Letters 5

Dear Obnoxious Michigan State Fan (or insert any school/team of your choice),

You go to Central Michigan University, but you are a Michigan State football fan. That's okay with me; I'm a Michigan fan. But Michigan is not my team. I have no first-hand affiliation with the team. My father and brother attended U of M, it's in my blood, sure, but that's the closest I am to that school. I refer to their team as "Michigan" or "the Wolverines" or "the maize and blue." You, on the other hand, call the Spartans "we." Who exactly is "we?" You attend Central. The Chippewas are "we." The Spartans are not "we" unless you are a Spartan. Sparty on, douche bag.

Dear Person walking back from the SAC at 11 pm on a Tuesday night,

Why are you pushing the crosswalk button to cross Broomfield? I am the ONLY car on the road right now, and you are forcing me to stop at this light, so you, and only you, can cross the street. What, you can't wait 10 freaking seconds for me to drive by? You had plenty of time to cross in front of me! Crosswalks are for pussies anyway.

Dear cat sitting on the top of my chair at Joe's apartment,

When you wag your tail back and forth, you tickle my ear and it makes me giggle.