Letters 2

Dear Slow Walker,

I put it frankly, but you walk incredibly slow. I know you are also going to class, whether it be you go alone or with your other slow walking friends. Pick up the pace. I am already running late, and I bet my class is farther away than yours. Neither of us will make it in time, thanks to your one step ever second and a half. This sidewalk is only wide enough for about two people anyway, and you manage to shoot straight down the middle making the pass on either side impossible. Also, do you have eyes in the back of your head?? You seem to always sway to the side which I attempt to make my move, but am ultimately cut off. My long legs cannot take this snail's pace any longer.

Dear pre-gaming girls next door who listen to hip-hop music and speaking loudly while the three of you are in the bathroom,

We are more disgusted by your lifestyle than the offenses against us. Your music is terrible. And it is terribly loud. On some days I can hear it from my bedroom; the problem is you are on the complete other side of our dorm room. It is also uncomfortable to hear you all carry on a pointless conversation while I am doing my business. Your pre-gaming sometimes just turns into the game itself and you fail to leave us in peace and quiet. Have you even wondered why we have never introduced ourselves to you despite the fact that you live right next door? I hardly agree with the sign on your door claiming that one of you is "the baddest." If that is true, Adonis therefore must be "the second baddest."

Dear 13-year-old Halo 3 gamer,

Enough with the profanity. You so effing pwned.