An Examination of a Phrase (1)

I put a "(1)" in front of this in hopes that I will do this more often.

The general format of these posts is to take a phrase, either everyday, commonly used or something i have heard somewhere at sometime. I will give some meanings behind it, and then examine the phrase from my perspective. Here we go.

"Today is Opposite Day"

Now, some days have claimed the title "Opposite Day," where things are done the exact opposite of what is the normal. Instead of saying "hello" while greeting somebody, you would say "goodbye." You would walk backwards instead of forwards. Wear your shoes on opposite feet. Etc.

Instance #1: Today really is Opposite Day

If that really is the case, then saying "Today is Opposite Day" has completely ruined the purpose of having an Opposite Day. In fact, saying "Today is Opposite Day" on Opposite Day means that it is NOT Opposite Day, and that either makes you a liar or creates a paradox. However, if saying that is IS Opposite Day on Opposite Day makes it not Opposite Day, then the statement immediately returns to its truthful state that today is Opposite Day after all. Whew.

Instance #2: Today is not Opposite Day after all

So saying "Today is Opposite Day" when it is not Opposite Day may be a trick into thinking that it is Opposite Day, and thus believing that it is Opposite Day can in fact make it Opposite Day. Here is the kicker though, saying "Today is Opposite Day" on a non-Opposite Day day can in fact mean that it is Opposite Day by jumping through all sorts of hoops that can only be understood through a vast diagram of scenarios (of which I am too lazy to plot out, but maybe someday).

After this long winded examination of the phrase "Today is Opposite Day," I have deduced that there is no Opposite Day at all; it is impossible. Sorry to kill all the fun, but if you ever celebrate Opposite Day, just know that you are living a lie.

Letters 3

Dear Jerk who drives the speed limit,

First things first: this is Michigan, whatever the speed limit says, add 5 or 10 to it and drive it. Okay? I should not look at my speedometer and have it tell me I am driving anything less than 25 mph ANYWHERE. But when I am stuck behind you, on Catalpa, in the summer, school has been out for a month, I should not be catching up to your ass while cruising. When I get stuck behind you right after Woodward, that is worse. That means I have to follow you all the way back to my house. Let me check how fast you are going; 16 mother-f***ing miles per hour?!?? Are you really Sh*tting me? I JUST GOT OFF WORK AND I WANT TO EAT HURRY THE F UP. Jeez.

Dear Stupid people I work with,

I could care less about whatever the hell you are talking to me about. Really. Your step-son? Don't care. You are going to play some crappy video game when you get home? Don't care. Your children don't do their chores and have an attitude? Really don't freakin' care. Next time you try to say something to me, if I have not already stopped listening, I am either going to tell you straight up that I do not care or I will just walk away while you are talking. I have had more than enough.

Dear Call of Duty 4 player who throws a random grenade over three walls, a building, a street, a truck, some boxes, and a river, just to have it land directly under my feet,

THERE IS NO WAY YOU KNEW I WAS THERE. HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?