Letters 4

Dear Guy Wearing an Athletic Headband as Part of His Outfit,

I am walking home from class at 10 AM, and there is no way that the temperature is out of the 50s. You cannot possibly be working up a sweat in this kind of weather; I am still cold wearing my jacket. It is not like you are wearing it over your ears to maybe keep them warm, and if you did, then that would be more reason to want to slap you in the face. In what way did you think wearing a headband would make you look presentable? You are walking to class, not to the SAC. Plus, you are skinnier than I am and in no way an athlete or even an occasional activity-doer.

Dear Girls Walking Slow... In the Rain,

Yet again, you take up the entire sidewalk and block me from passing you. But today is different. It is raining. I have no umbrella, unlike all three of you who use it to take up even more space on the sidewalk. I also am not wearing a jacket because it was not raining when I left for class and hoped for the best that it would not rain again. Mostly because I am wearing my freakin' sweet Quebec Nordiques t-shirt. MY FREAKIN' SWEET QUEBEC NORDIQUES T-SHIRT!!! IT'S BLUE AND HAS THE FLEUR DE LIS AROUND THE BOTTOM!!! This is not a shirt that I want to get wet. As soon as we get to a puddle, I'm splashing your bare feet. PS. Why are you wearing flip flops in the rain? You were smart enough to grab an umbrella but not put shoes on?

Dear Guy Playing the Air Drums While Listening to His iPod,

Oh man, I truly dig that beat. Even if you are completely out of tempo. Yes, I can tell.

An Examination of a Phrase (1)

I put a "(1)" in front of this in hopes that I will do this more often.

The general format of these posts is to take a phrase, either everyday, commonly used or something i have heard somewhere at sometime. I will give some meanings behind it, and then examine the phrase from my perspective. Here we go.

"Today is Opposite Day"

Now, some days have claimed the title "Opposite Day," where things are done the exact opposite of what is the normal. Instead of saying "hello" while greeting somebody, you would say "goodbye." You would walk backwards instead of forwards. Wear your shoes on opposite feet. Etc.

Instance #1: Today really is Opposite Day

If that really is the case, then saying "Today is Opposite Day" has completely ruined the purpose of having an Opposite Day. In fact, saying "Today is Opposite Day" on Opposite Day means that it is NOT Opposite Day, and that either makes you a liar or creates a paradox. However, if saying that is IS Opposite Day on Opposite Day makes it not Opposite Day, then the statement immediately returns to its truthful state that today is Opposite Day after all. Whew.

Instance #2: Today is not Opposite Day after all

So saying "Today is Opposite Day" when it is not Opposite Day may be a trick into thinking that it is Opposite Day, and thus believing that it is Opposite Day can in fact make it Opposite Day. Here is the kicker though, saying "Today is Opposite Day" on a non-Opposite Day day can in fact mean that it is Opposite Day by jumping through all sorts of hoops that can only be understood through a vast diagram of scenarios (of which I am too lazy to plot out, but maybe someday).

After this long winded examination of the phrase "Today is Opposite Day," I have deduced that there is no Opposite Day at all; it is impossible. Sorry to kill all the fun, but if you ever celebrate Opposite Day, just know that you are living a lie.

Letters 3

Dear Jerk who drives the speed limit,

First things first: this is Michigan, whatever the speed limit says, add 5 or 10 to it and drive it. Okay? I should not look at my speedometer and have it tell me I am driving anything less than 25 mph ANYWHERE. But when I am stuck behind you, on Catalpa, in the summer, school has been out for a month, I should not be catching up to your ass while cruising. When I get stuck behind you right after Woodward, that is worse. That means I have to follow you all the way back to my house. Let me check how fast you are going; 16 mother-f***ing miles per hour?!?? Are you really Sh*tting me? I JUST GOT OFF WORK AND I WANT TO EAT HURRY THE F UP. Jeez.

Dear Stupid people I work with,

I could care less about whatever the hell you are talking to me about. Really. Your step-son? Don't care. You are going to play some crappy video game when you get home? Don't care. Your children don't do their chores and have an attitude? Really don't freakin' care. Next time you try to say something to me, if I have not already stopped listening, I am either going to tell you straight up that I do not care or I will just walk away while you are talking. I have had more than enough.

Dear Call of Duty 4 player who throws a random grenade over three walls, a building, a street, a truck, some boxes, and a river, just to have it land directly under my feet,

THERE IS NO WAY YOU KNEW I WAS THERE. HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?

Awesome!

So I use the word "awesome" a lot. Like a lot.

awe·some [aw-suhm]
–adjective 1. inspiring awe: an awesome sight.
2. showing or characterized by awe.
3. Slang. very impressive: That new white convertible is totally awesome.

I use the word exactly how it should be used. But as of late, I feel that since I speak it so often (and I mean very frequently) that I have softened its effect on what it describes.

Here are a few examples of how I use the word "awesome:"

1. Metal Gear Solid 4 was awesome!
2. That home run by Thames was awesome!
3. Boobs are awesome!
4. Working at a plastic factory is awesome!

Okay, that last one was sheer sarcasm. Obviously, though, the first three are perfect examples of how the word should be used. There are sometimes where there is no better way of expressing the fact of something great other than it being awesome.

Some of these examples of things not so high on the awesome list, but still holding a smaller level of awesomeness:

1. Going to school at Central is awesome.
2. Finally writing more in my blogs is awesome.
3. Mario Kart Wii is pretty awesome.
4. Working at a plastic factory is awesome.

No, it is not. Working at a plastic factory is awful.

Don't get me wrong; I love Central, I love writing about things I care about, and I love Mario Kart Wii (it gives my dad a chance to win sometimes). Now when I compare these three to the first list, you can see how much more awesome some things are than others.

Boobs > Blogs

Duh.

So what I am trying to get across is how I will cut back on the use of "awesome" for things designated for sheer awesomeness; things that surpass most on an awesome scale. It may take some training to do that, but I will try my best.

Now how awesome is that?

Another Letter

Dear Ben,

I love and miss you. Hug.

Yeah, my shoes came untied and what not. Never really followed through. No surprise to me. Maybe I will come up with a good idea to write about while working. I have thought of some good ideas for the other blog, but I fail on the process of actually doing it. Again, no surprises.

An Experiment

So you may remember that I hate my right shoe. Despite the fact, I use it from now on as a symbol.

Today the shoelace came untied twice in my Design class. I was sitting down.

This is what keeps me up at night, why I have nightmares and why I wake up in cold sweats.

Anyways, I had the idea of keeping a record or when and where my right shoe comes untied. I will carry with me a miniature notepad to class, and when it happens I will write when, where, and what I was doing at the time of its untying.

Starting tomorrow, March 12, 2008, I will begin this experiment to see if I can figure out just why this happens. It will go on for a month and end on Saturday April 12, 2008. I will post the final data and attach an analysis that deals with my data. If one month does not yield sufficient amounts of data, I will add weeks to the experiment until I am pleased.

But with my right shoe coming undone, I will never be truly pleased.